johnny caddell





The Place: Anywhere

The Time: Whenever

The Year: Whatever




The drama starts in a little known town called Anywhere. Just a five mile drive, down an unsigned road, through a wide gate, off the main highway.

But…a million miles from civilisation.

No one wears a watch, or owns a clock, because time is of no importance. In anywhere nothing happens.

Every year, if they remember to celebrate anything, they celebrate ‘nothing time’. Because nothing gets done then the ‘nothing time’ celebrations last for a very short while. There is no energy in Anywhere.  Only electricity supplied by a rotated workforce who pedal hard for one hr a day then rest for the remainder. When it fails to work, as it always does, then there is no real rush to repair it. There is no need to repair it ,especially in summer, but in winter the impetus is in sleeping and that keeps the residents warm enough. If you want heat in the winter then your considered half dead already and your blankets are taken from you and shared, equally, amongst the populous. When you die you get collected and put at the dirty end of the Main Street.

No one ever goes to the dirty end… except the dead collectors.

It gives the residents a sense of purpose collecting the dead. Once dead it wouldn’t be wise for the town to let a property go unused.

Picking up the dead is considered healthy employment. There are no ‘real jobs’ in Anywhere.


Today is like any other day. It’s hot and everyone rests, not on their porch as that’s considered vulgar, but inside with the curtains, if they can be justly called that, firmly shut. The silence is deafening. For a town of 400 it’s too quiet. But everyone likes it like this.

The town’s motto:

                              ‘A man should live a quiet life neither rude nor loud.

                              The town owns the man. No man will ever own the town’

…hangs from the tall tree at the clean end of Main Street.

The characters of the town have no names. For the purpose of the drama we will number the characters. This implies that each character although an individual in their own right is part of the collected mass of Anywhere and each character is dependent/ co-dependant on their neighbour. Family isn’t important.

they talk in what’s considered riddles but to the town’s residents its normal conversation. It can’t be anything else to them as it’s all they know.

 [Song plays quietly-Nancy Sinatra’s ‘The End’]


1 and 2 come into view. They walk beside each other as if they are strangers.

1  stops to look up at the sky

1- Long day to come

2- Yes

1 - Where did you go yesterday?

2-When was that?

1-Sometime earlier

2-Not later?

1- No…that would be time travel

2- What’s that?

1- Time travel?

2- No up there [points to the sky]

1- Just the sky

2- Oh. The sky. Never goes away does it?


Both 1 and 2 sit at the side where the chairs are situated. They have their back to the audience.They discuss the houses on the street…


3- Number tens empty.

4- I know

3- Did you…?

4- Yes. Sometime earlier. Picked her up. Heavy as heavy is and put her down the

    dirty end. Who’s there?

3- Oh. Number nine got the house

4- Happy

3- What’s that?

4- Not sad

3- Suppose so…didn’t say. Didn’t ask

4- Be going

3- Yes…be going

4- Oh. Who got number nine?

3- Number six


Both 3 and 4 sit on the opposite side where the chairs are laid out. They too have their backs to the audience.


5 and 6 come into view. 5 walks slightly behind 6.


5- Celebrations today

6- Yes

5- Seems like we’ve never been away

6- We haven’t

5- i know…but it’s still good to talk


6- Is it? Why?

5-Why what?


6- To talk. Why is that good? Its just noise for noise sake. Does every action need a

    word?. Does it?

5- [No reply]




6- Moving today

5- Where

6- Number 9

5- Did she

6- and he

5- Oh. Both of them

6- Their blanket was much appreciated last month

5- A month with no blanket.  They lasted well

6- He did

5- She didn’t?

6- no. she blew up like you blow up

5- in the house

6- Back yard

5- Not nice

6- No consideration

5- Should have walked to the dirty end on her own strength

6- Never did fit in. stubborn to the end

5- …and him

6- He was different. Tidied up the house. Closed the curtains like a true friend and

    walked up the street last night and sat down beside his wife. Cold as steel this

    morning. Now there was a good man

5- Was he?

6- No idea. Probably.

5- [Silence]


Number 5 walks to the same side as 1 and 2 and sit beside them. Number 6 walks to the side where 3 and 4 are and sits beside them, leaving a space between number 4.  

 Number 7 and 8 appear from back of the theatre. They stand close together, almost whispering.


7- Heard it again last night

8- What?

7- That strange noise

8- Could you sleep?

7- Yes. It wasn’t that loud but it was there

8- Its said they are only over the hill

7- I never believed that but I do now

8- What if they get here?

7- They won’t

8- How do you know that?

7- History

8- Eh?


7- ..of this place. Only one person has ever stumbled down here. They went mad

8- Why?

7- Delusional

8- When?

7- Screaming and shouting.

8- Where?

7- Banging windows screaming offensive words like freedom and control. Upsetting

    every one . They had to go. Kicking like a mule, hissing like a viper and biting like

     a gnat. Embarrassed I was. Never seen the like. What did they expect? Coming

     here with outside points of view. A disease of the mind. Capitalism someone said

     it was called. Looked it up in a doctor’s book of politics. Seems it makes

     you want everything but not being able to afford it. Causes severe problems within

     the family unit. Can’t have that. Down to the dirty end they went. Along with their

     fancy ideas.

8- did they die?

7- Eventually I expect. They screamed and cursed for days. Mind you those ropes

     were tight around their neck. With no food nor water in the summer they only

     lasted 4 days. I was getting used to the noise then it started to go quiet. The kids

    went down as far as they could to see what was going on. Like a side show it was.

    Took sandwiches and everything. Sure brightened up the day. Then silence. They 

    were just like number 9. Inconsiderate to the end. Wasn’t surprised. Just when we

    were enjoying ourselves they went up and died on us. Capitalism can stay where it

    wants but not  here. Life went quiet. We sorta hoped someone else would stumble  

    down here. We learned from our mistakes. Number 12 started a thinking-group.

    They discussed ways of keeping them alive, not for too long you understand, but

    long enough to give us all, how you might say, a great deal of entertainment.

8- Isn’t that wrong. If someone should die because they died well that’s ok but

    watching someone die is different. Didn’t anyone do something?

7- No goody good samaratarians here. You don’t come here and expect to change us

     overnight without a fight. The town is bigger than any man and that’s the way it is.

8- [silence]


Number 7 and 8 sit beside number 6.

Number 9 and 10 are at the bottom end of the main street. The dirty end. They whisper loudly to each other


9- Can you talk?

10- Yes

9- I need to get out of here

10- Be patient. It won’t be long

9- Ive played dead for hrs. Eating all that food and wearing all my clothes is

    dreadfully uncomfortable

10- Its how we planned it

9- Still doesn’t make it easier. You took your time cleaning the house

10- Had to. To stop suspicion

9- about what?

10- That we weren’t committed to the town. I had to take my time

9- Really

10- That’s why we are trying to get out


9- When do you see that happening?

10- tonight during the celebrations

9- They never last long

10- Exactly and then we are off

 9- Where are we going to?

10- No idea!

9- Anywhere would be better than this

10- There’s a place just over the hill that may be suitable

9- What’s it called?

10- Convenience

9- I know it doesn’t matter what it’s called but it sounds okay to me.


9 and 10 slowly walk away into the distance

All the other numbers shout as if they are watching a movie or a show. They then stand up and turn around to face and deliver their lines [below] to the audience


1: Happy ‘nothing time’

2: To you too.

3- It’s lasted longer than normal

4- Really

5- Yes… look how many we caught trying to sneak in

6- All of them?  Wow

7- What are we going to do with them all?

5- We have enough prisoners to entertain us for the next two years. I think we can

     afford to take our time this time

7- How did they find out about us?

3- Number 9 and 10 were just faking it. We knew that. That’s why we let them


2- Why?

3- So that by letting two go we would get at least ten back in their place. But this

    group of prisoners far outweighs everything we imagined.

6- When do we start the real proceedings?

     Shortly after number 4 has addressed the crowd


They all sit back down again. The only one standing is number 4. Number 4 faces the audience


4- You are here because you wished to free us from captivity. Unfortunately for you

     we are free and you are now the captives. You wanted to come and cut our ropes

     of bondage and oppression…you are now bound and oppressed.

     You wanted to bring in your polluted ideas. Now you only pollute yourself with

     thoughts of what you have left behind and will never see again.

     You cry as though it was a magic key to unlock the doors of slavery. Save your

     tears. Tomorrow will soon be here and we will talk again.

     We have all the time in the world.

Number 4 then sits down Song plays- ‘We have all the time in the world’ or similar

The end


© j caddell 2008