johnny caddell



Just another day

Song plays: Paul McCartney-Just another day. Fades slowly


Friday 4.49pm.Anne walks into the 2nd floor office to collect her coat. She is upset.

Nicola-what’s wrong?


Nicola-well there must be something

Anne-you wouldn’t understand. She sits down at her desk

Nicola [PAUSE] why not?

Anne-well you don’t have what I have

Nicola- [defensive] what don’t I have?

Anne-false nails!! Their so real! One broke off when I was getting out my new pink Corsa. [She sobs again]

Peter-not the end of the world. Did you hear about the man who broke his toe when eating an ice lolly? Well this guy ….

Anne-don’t even try to cheer me up

Peter- okay. Can’t please anyone these days. [He walks off to sit down at his desk]

Nicola- that wasn’t fair. He was only trying to help

Anne-don’t care. He’s too happy for my liking. My dad says people who are always happy are a bit…you know…round the bend.


Anne- [getting up from seat] well its true [looks at Peter and makes a little face. He smiles back not sure how to react] I’m off to see Liam. We might be going out sometime.

Nicola- on a date?

Anne-no moon walking! What do you think?


Anne-jealous are we? [Picks up her coat]


Nicola-no…it’s just that he promised to go over the data sheets from last week as I need to do my report for Dr Topping by Monday at the latest.

Anne- since you lead such a boring life and get company cufflinks every year I’m sure you’ll manage to finish it over the weekend .what else were you going to do anyway?


Anne-but but but butbbbbutbutbutbutb …you sound like my dads mini. See Ya!

[Peter watches her leave and gives her a little wave. He then walks over to Nicola who is quite annoyed by Anne’s tone and insensitivity]

Peter-you ok?

Nicola-don’t know why you bother. She’s got no time for you. You do realise that don’t you?

Peter-yeh of course I do. Pretending I like her makes it more of a laugh. She wouldn’t sleep at night if she discovered that one of the male members of staff didn’t dream about asking for her hand in marriage.

Nicola-not such a bad thing…just taking her hand. [looks towards the door]Wouldn’t want the rest of her?

Peter-very good. Like it. Like it. You may one day be allowed to join the peter paloka school of humour.

Nicola- Really? How many members are there?


Nicola-one! Who’s that?


Nicola-so its not been going very long… this club?

Peter-it’s been going since 1959

Nicola-you weren’t born then

Peter- . Stand corrected. Since a minute to eight last night

Nicola-mmm. I’m off home. [Picks up her coat, etc] You going to the bus stop?

Peter- Naw. Ive work to do. Overtime. I need the money.

Nicola- See you on Monday then


She walks off and he watches her go. He stands watching her until she’s out of sight. He quietly whispers to himself ‘…see ya’ and turns to go back to his desk.


scENE 2 

Friday night. 6 hrs later. Liam and Anne are waiting for a taxi. They are not speaking. Obviously something isn’t right. Just then a work colleague walks by.


Liam- Steven. Is that you?

Steven-oh hello [he says this to Anne who doesn’t answer but smiles slightly]

Liam-where are you going?

Steven- to work

Anne-to work! At this time?

Liam- have you got another job? Is it dodgy?

Steven- slightly nervous well…not work exactly. I’m running an errand for a friend.

Anne-At 10 o’clock at night

Steven- Yeh. Going to get a pizza

Liam- Pizza shops that way

Steven- Oh. Well…be seeing you

Liam-Steve! Steven! You got the car?

Steven-Yes it’s parked just round the corner. Why?

Liam-I hate to ask. Any chance of a lift?

Anne-pleeeeaaase! [She puts on her well practised petted lip. Steven isn’t impressed. He acts as if he hasn’t noticed. Anne gets huffed by this]

Steven- yes sure. Where are you going?


Liam- yes then drop me at my mums. Ive got laundry to collect. Then take me home.

Anne- You are so lazy

Liam-Well that’s what mums are for isn’t it?

[Anne and Steven look at each other but say nothing]

Steven- well…let’s go then

Liam-what about the pizza?

Steven- Oh! I’ll tell him it was closed

Liam and Anne look at each other they are still not saying much. They walk ahead of Steven who keeps turning round to look back. They walk off into the night.


Saturday morning. Steven is in his flat. He is on the phone

Steven- Sorry about last night. I bumped into two workmates. I couldn’t avoid them. They’re a right pair of air heads. Ended up driving them round for two hours. She was sick. He was sick. His clothes were ruined. Her clothes were ruined. They argued.

I eventually got in just before one this morning. Listen there is definitely something going down in that clinic. Ive managed to get into one of the offices but the secretary there has eyes like a toilet rat and asks me all sorts of questions.

Nicola’s her name. What I need is for someone to sweet talk her one lunch time. Buy her a few shandies then I can get in and go through the paperwork. Do you think you could manage that? Okay.

Call the office around 11 on Monday morning and I’ll be there. Talk to you then. We need to get this done soon as. My necks in a noose and it’s getting a bit tight. Tell the editor I’m on it ok?







Monday morning. 8 a.m. At the ‘PLASTIC FANTASTIC’ clinic. Surgeon Topping and her assistant Steven are in discussion regarding the cases to be dealt with that day.


Katrina- well we are as busy as always. I am concerned however as we seem to be getting people in who don’t need anything done and who are insistent in changing something about themselves.

Steven- well its all cash and you do need to keep your Bentley going don’t you

Katrina-that Steven is of no concern to you. How I spend my salary is my business. Keep to the case at hand Steven. Your mind wanders sometimes and I’m afraid to ask where it goes. You are only an assistant here and you can be replaced. You came highly recommended however that doesn’t allow you to pry or to overstep professional boundaries does it?

Steven- [totally speechless] yes..I mean

Katrina-Right let’s get on with this list. We will take Miss Karis at 9am. Please tell the nurse that Miss Karis is not allowed to have a cigarette during the operation. Last time she light up whilst under a local anaesthetic.

Steven- really…isn’t that against the medical rules or something?

Katrina- it most certainly is. However if a client wishes to indulge in such activity then by hook or by crook they will find a way. Its how the situation is dealt with. We don’t want any tacky Sunday paper getting a


Steven-…whiff of it….


Katrina-[totally ignoring his remark] hold of a story that they can then manufacture into something completely false and outrageous. Do we?

Steven- Yes...…no. your right. Like hyenas they are. All biting and scratching for scraps. A proper shower they are. If I ever…

Katrina- Yes…quite the caveman aren’t you. Back to work please.

[Voice Over] Can Mr Steven please take a call on line 4 . Mr Steven line 4 please

Steven- can you excuse me for a moment

He goes to the nearest phone

Steven- Hello. Hello. Yes it’s Steven. Oh it’s you. I said 11am not quarter past eight. Call me at 9am when she gets into the office and I’ll take it from there. Right…got to go. Bye

He walks back to meet Katrina

Katrina-Everything ok?

Steven- Family problems. Should be ok.

Katrina- [looks at him with a degree of suspicion] Right..well lets get on . Miss Karis at 9am followed at 11am by Mr John and his friend Mr Caleb. They want their consultancy to be done together. To save money. They have both ordered the budget ‘suck and tuck’ so it will be over in 10 minutes or so. So get on with it Steven remember and see the nurse about the 9 o’clock.

Steven- Okay. Consider it done



Steven walks along the corridor. He is looking for the 9 o’clock appointment and the two 11am appointees. He has already seen the nurse about Miss Karis and he walks into the waiting area where not only Mr John, Mr Caleb and Miss Karis are sitting but other clients are waiting.

Steven- Good morning. [Introducing himself in a very affected manner. It’s quite obvious to those listening that he hasn’t the authority to back up his performance] I am Mr Steven and I will be guiding you through the process this morning making sure that you are all comfortable and well looked after. Can the following three clients come with me? I shall return shortly to see to those remaining. Can Miss Karis, Mr Caleb and Mr John please follow me?


Steven escorts them from the room to another area of the clinic where his tone changes somewhat.

Steven- Are you comfortable and psychologically ready for this?

Mr John- yes

Mr Caleb- yes

Miss Karis- Can’t wait.

Steven- It’s a lot of money for what you are having done…isn’t it?

Miss Karis- Well I think it’s worth it after all nobody drags us in here do they? I borrowed money from my mum.

Steven- NO… what I want to say is…

Mr John- Ive saved for ever for this. Nothings gonna stop me now

Mr Caleb - Nor me

Steven- [bringing them closer together and almost whispering] What if I could offer you the chance to have this operation for free and then to come back next year for a free assessment and top up?

All three- Really?

Mr John- what’s the catch

Mr Caleb-Yeh what’s in it for you?

Miss Karis- I don’t like it

Steven- There is nothing in it for me. I am simply a very conscious employee who feels that there are certain other members of staff in this building who are not doing their jobs right. I want to expose them and with your help I can get the evidence I need.

Mr Caleb-What type of evidence do you need?


Miss Karis-Nail files?

Steven-No. Personnel files. They are kept in room 16 upstairs and I need to get in there. If you could create a distraction whilst I am in there…

Mr John- How much do we get? Sounds dangerous. Someone may get hurt.

Miss Karis- My mum will kill me if I get into bother. So it had better be good.

Mr Caleb- So what’s the deal?

Steven- I can offer you all £15,000 to help me out. In cash. Used notes. 5s and Tens.

Mr John- let me think.

Mr Caleb- me too.

Miss Karis- me three.

[All three]- Okay. Where’s the cash?

Steven- you can have it after I get the info from room 16

Mr John- No way. Cash or I dash.

Mr Caleb- Me too.

Miss Karis- …and me three. I’m calling my mum. [Goes into her bag to get her mobile phone]

Steven- [pushing the phone back in her bag and panicking slightly] ok. Wait here.

He runs off to get the money

Mr Caleb-He won’t be back

Mr John-Oh he will. He’d better

Miss Karis-If he doesn’t come back I’ll tell my mum. She’ll tell the police and one way or another we will come out of this very well indeed. A possible Sunday paper expose.

Mr John- you don’t look the devious scheming type at all

Miss Karis-who does?

Just then Steven returns with a case. He shows them the money

Steven- Please read carefully what I have written down. At 9am exactly go to room 16 and tell the lady there that there has been an accident in the car park and you need help urgently. If she goes to use the phone tell her you have called an ambulance already but it is taking a long time.

All three- okay

Mr Caleb- then what?

Steven –leave the building by the back door and go home.

Mr John- Won’t anyone be expecting us to go in for our operations?

Steven-Ill tell them you cancelled and that you are rescheduled for next week. Ill put it down to the trauma of witnessing the accident in the car park

Miss Karis- What accident?

Steven- the one you pretended to…..oh never mind. Here’s your money. It’s all there. You’ve got 5 minutes. Ill call you later to check on how it went.

Mr John-You don’t have my number

Miss Karis-My mum won’t let me have crank calls

Mr Caleb- I don’t have a phone

Steven- [flummoxed and panicking even more] I’ll be in touch somehow. [He runs off in the opposite direction].

Mr Caleb goes to look for room 16 along with Mr John. Miss Karis goes the other way.

Miss Karis- where are you’s going?

Mr John- To room 16 as agreed

Miss Karis- Are you nuts?

Mr Caleb-Why?

Miss Karis- Why? Some clown in a wacky hospital hands you 15,000 pounds and your going to do what he says. Well it’s your choice. I’m going home to count it. Better be all there or…

John and Caleb- …You’re telling you’re mum!

Miss Karis- correct! Toodle pip.


She walks off humming ‘Money Money Money’ by Abba

MR John- So?

Mr Caleb-What?

Mr John- What are we going to do?

Mr Caleb- Lets go for a pint and discuss it.

Mr John-okay

They both walk out the front door. Mr John pulls a bottle from his pocket and swallows a large measure of spirits. He then passes it to Mr Caleb who refuses because he then produces his own bottle and they toast each other. Meanwhile Steven is up outside room 16 on the second floor waiting for the coast to clear. He presumes that the three clients have done their bit and that the room is empty. He goes in.


Steven- Good no ones here. [As he goes through the files he hears some voices. He quickly picks them out and hides behind a pile of chairs.]

Liam- I’m sorry about Friday.

Anne- I should think so.

Liam-Anyway it was great of that nerd Steven to take us home. He might be a pain but a useful one eh?


Liam-Fancies you doesn’t he?

Anne- Probably. I don’t know and I don’t really care

Liam- Oh well. Time to go to work. Call you later?

Anne- No

Liam- Around seven?


Liam-Talk to you then?

Anne-You won’t. I’m getting all my teeth pulled out at six and I won’t be able to speak for at least a week.

Liam- A miracle!

Liam goes off to work and Anne sits down at the desk. Steven manages to sneak out whilst she is fixing her hair in her compact mirror. Miss Katrina enters

Miss Katrina- Have you seen Steven?

Anne-[trying to look busy] No…not yet

Miss Katrina-if you see him tell him to meet me in the theatre as soon as possible. It seems he’s kidnapped three of our clients.

Anne- okay I will

Miss Katrina leaves and Peter enters

Peter- You in trouble?


Peter- Then why was old stone face here?

Anne-Looking for Steven

Peter- Steven?

Anne- Yes. Seems he’s disappeared…with three of the clients.

Peter-what a story! He’ll be with Elvis and Lord Lucan hiding in a holiday villa in Lytham St Annes or Morecambe Bay.


Peter-don’t matter. Where’s what’s her face? [Acting as if he doesn’t remember Nicolas name]

Anne- Her majesty is due in anytime. She has to hand in one of her many reports this morning so she’ll be here when that noble duty has been done.

Peter- You don’t like her do you?

Anne- Don’t think about it

Peter- She likes you. Thinks you’ve got a great sense of humour, somewhat dry I’d say, and lots of ability but chooses not to focus it on anything in particular except boys, nails, pink cars and a morbid fascination for all things glittery

Anne- really..Anything else?

Peter- That about covers it I’d say

Anne- [smiling] She forgot my Barbie collection

Peter- Well let’s not tell her will we.

Just then the door opens and Nicola walks in. She is slightly harassed.

Peter-What’s wrong?

Nicola- You’ll never believe this. Whilst I was delivering my report some drunken guy walked into room 16 on the first floor and said there was an accident in the car park. We all ran down to the car park only to discover another guy sitting in the middle of the grass drinking vodka and shouting about calling the police and that someone called Steven had bribed him and he wanted justice. The rest I couldn’t make out. I then saw Steven running off down the road closely followed by a girl and a woman. I could hear Miss Katrina screaming at the top of her voice for everyone to keep the noise down as there were operations going on.

Peter- Professional as ever

Nicola- I’m exhausted. [Sits down] It’s too early for all this. Its not even half nine yet

Anne- Fancy a coffee?

Nicola- [surprised] What’s that?

Peter- You know that powdered stuff in jars. You add water and milk and..

Nicola-mmm…I know what coffee is.

Anne- Milky, no sugar and one and a half isn’t it Nicola?

Nicola- {speechless] Ye…s

Peter- None for me

Anne- Okay. Be back in a mo.

Peter- You can close your mouth now. Your jaw nearly hit the floor

Nicola- What’s happened to her? Has she had a knock in the head?

Peter- Maybe a little knock here. [points to his heart area]


Peter-So when are we going to go out to celebrate this amazing event?

Nicola- You and me. Go out?


Nicola-on a date like thingy?


Nicola- After all you’ve said to me. The bad jokes. Laughing at my jumpers and my mums woolly boots when mine burst?


Nicola-… and after emailing my primary one school photo to all the staff


Nicola- Okay.

Peter- Great. I’ll call you [points to her desk phone]

Just then Anne appears with the coffee and biscuits. Peter makes his excuses and goes

Anne- Here’s yours… and some biccies I bought this morning from Tescos.


Anne- no thank you! You made me realise that if I wanted to achieve things then I had to, and have to, work hard. I’m sorry I made a fool of your commitment to the job. I was jealous. I know false nails aren’t your thing. In a way they’re not mine either. I want more than just a life that’s fake and artificial. [Holds out her hand] Friends?

Nicola- No I’m sorry Anne I can’t do that.


Nicola- But what I am prepared to be is….a great friend!

Anne- Really?

Nicola- Yes really.

They give each other a big hug.



The police have arrived and Liam is sitting in the waiting room with the policemen

Liam- Honestly I know nothing about it. I don’t know how the files got into my office and I have no idea where all that money in my desk came from.

Voice over/Policeman’s voice- Lets go to the staion where we can start from scratch. Serious allegations have been made and you were seen near the night club on Friday night with the accused.


Liam- yes I was there but I only got a lift from him.

He was going to buy a pizza for a friend then he changed his mind. I was sick. He stopped at my mothers and then drove to my house. Just round the corner from here in fact.

Policeman- well that may explain why we found bags of money stuffed in your wheelie bin. Any idea where that came from?

Liam- it’s a conspiracy I tell you. A plot. I’m innocent. Innocent I tell you.

Policeman-They all say that. Let’s go


Meanwhile on the 2nd floor…

Nicola-looking out the window Isn’t that Liam with the police. They are putting him in the back of the car

Anne- Really. Well at least I won’t have to date him again. He was so rude. Made a fool of everybody when we were out on Friday night. Made me think about myself. The more I looked at him and listened to him ranting and raving about everyone else the more I wanted to change.

Nicola-Well it starts for us right now. Another coffee?

Anne-don’t mind if I do





‘Just another day’

© copyright:j.caddell

november 2007







Ideas for ‘live’ Adverts for beginning of play and at the end *


·        Beginning- Advert for Clinic. No refunds. Prices. Interest free credit




·        End- Newsflash about irregularities at Clinic. Allegations of fraud etc



 * These are to be improvised and put together separately

    from play.